Ok so like my biggest chris colfer dirty secret is that he comes into the tattoo parlour where I work and our eyes meet from across a crowded room. He’s wearing this adorable hat with blue feathers and he takes it off as he bows down to me. I drop the needle I’m using to pierce this guy’s nipple and reach for him. Out hands meet and we both feel electricity. So we go into the store room, without saying a word and start getting naked. He tells me he likes my pierced fat rolls and my many tattoos of vaginas (they’re so beautiful, AREN’T THEY?!) and then just before he pushes his tick cock into my virginal hole he admits he’d rather put it somewhere else. I turn around, but then he says, “I didn’t mean there.”
Turning back round again, I get down on my knees. He takes my face in his hands, but before I know what’s happening, he removes my plugs and thrusts his cock into my gaping ear lobe.
I scream in pleasure!
When he’s finsihed, he starts to pull away, but I tell him to wait. Grabbing the knfie from next to me, I cut off his penis and let it remain in my ear.
We only had a short time together, but his penis will remain there forever. Eventually, my skin started growing over it. It became incased within my ear lobe.
Years later, he returns.
He aren’t sure what to do because he has no penis. But I come up with an idea! I use a knife (the same one I used to cut off his penis <333 ) to slice open his perineum, then I fuck him with a strap onm while he sucks on my ear lobe-penis.
Taking Chris’s hand in his own, Darren slowly pushed the sensitive head of his cock through Chris’s tight ring of muscle. Gasping, Chris squeezed his eyes shut.
"Do you want me to stop?" Darren asked, worried as he placed kisses across his lover’s daintily freckled face.
"No, baby, keep going," Chris hissed, though he was in so much pain.
Darren nodded and forced another inch of his manhood between Chris’s delicate buttcheeks. The pain became seering and intense. Chris cried out! He reached down between his legs to start touching himself, trying to forget the burning sensation in his arse, but Darren simply batted his hand away and started stroking his boner for him.
"Darren, baby, Darren, My Dan Dan, DANNY!" Chris moaned as Darren’s fingers worked their way down his ten inch cock. All the while, Chris could feel the other boy’s dick slowly pushing him open and wow! The pain was dulling and the feeling that remained was better than bowties and Broadway put together! Chris gasped, not believing he’d actually thought that, but it transformed itself into a moan when Darren’s thumb swiped across the nerve-rich tip of his cock, wiping away the precum.
When he was fully inside of Chris, Darren planted a sweet kiss on his forehead that was smooth and shiny like porcelain, before starting up a slow rhythm. Chris groaned in intense pleasure at each perfectly timed thrust and pushed his hips pack to meet Darren’s. He knew he couldn’t hold on much longer as his eyelids fluttered shut and Darren’s calloused fingers grasped and pulled at the skin tightening around his balls as his orgasm built up in his gut.
He opened his eyes just before he was about to come to see the foreskin of his cock retracting. “I’M GONNA CUM!” he screamed, grabbing onto Darren’s hips. At that moment he saw whitre streaks erupt from his penis and splatter over Darren’s glorious god like chest.
"CHRIS BABY I’M COMING TOO BABE." Chris waited for the pleasure of Darren’s come filling up his arsehole. "Actually, I think I’m gonna…—" There was a retching sound and Chris looked up just in time to see the wave of vomit come cascading down from Darren’s beautiful lips.
"Oh baby, keep it coming," he moaned, basking in the warm puke, feeling the chunks slide across his face. He licked his lips and mmmm it tasted just like Darren.
Darren froze suddenly and grunted. Chris thought at first that he’d reached his climax, but then he realised it was something else. Darren slowly pulled out of Chris and he was able to see two things:
1) He was hard. Again!
2) A thick log of poo emerging from Darren’s buttocks.
"SHIT ON MY FACE!" he cried impulsively, realising his kink for feces.
"That’s what I was planning on doing," Darren winked and at that moment… at that moment Chris realised that he was in love.
Darren raised his hips over Chris’s head and grunted as a chunk of shit plopped onto Chris’s beautiful face, on top of the vomit and slid down his awline before settling on his ear. Then he pushed harder, his stomach grumbling, and out of his arse shot a sudden spurt of liquidated poopoo.
"Explosive diarrhea! I knew it was a good idea to get Indian…" Chris rejoiced and opened his mouth to catch some of the excrement raining down upon him in sudden, strong bursts.
All this time, he was stroking himself and came again at the exact moment that Darrren did.
They waited for the last of the diarrhea to trickle out of Darren’s butthole before both collapsing. Darren took Chris’s face in his hands and licked off every last bit of shit, vomit and semen.
Then, curling up in each other’s arms, they softly fell asleep. And you know what they dreamed about that night? Fucking.
I wish I was pregnant with Chris Colfer’s child and on my last month of pregnancy I would ride his hard cock so much that when I came, the baby would be thrown out of my vagina and onto his cum-covered dick.
Then I would lick them both clean while Chris cuts the umbilical cord.
I’ve had testicle cancer for awhile now and although it’s being cured i still wish i could have sex with chris before it’s fully healed because my biggest fantasy is Chris going down on me dressed in a cat suit. The following would happen:
I am in the room where I receive my medication, today an old lady who i’ve met at the beginning of my cancer is here and the nurses told us to expect the visit of someone famous for some magazines I don’t care about. In my heart I, of course, wish for Chris Colfer to come over but the nurses tell me that they do not know who is coming nor when they are going to arrive. Now it’s hot and in the middle of the afternoon when the head nurse burst into the room with some guy sporting shades, I can see he his fairly smile and has a gummy smile so my heart and guts jumps a bit, and not because of the strong medication i’ve got to take.
The head nurse leaves us with the guy after introducing him to us, of course i already know who he is, because i’ve never not watched at least five time an episode of glee. I cheerfully wave at him, my dick slowly starting to rise at the sight of his legs perfectly clasping to the fabric of his pants and let my gaze greedily set itself on his crotch. Because it’s so hot i’m pretty sure his balls are sweaty and his cock is starting to itch against his boxers for some kind of relief, that’s when he touches my shoulder to make me snap out of my reverie and ask me how i’m doing and if everything is okay. I answer that yes, everything is perfectly alright even if my penis is now fully erected and towering towards him like a lance would toward a knight during a jousting tournament.
I cannot help but slowly raise my hand to his butt cheeks, slightly caressing it through the fabric before forcefully trying to force two of my fingers down his anus even if his pants are restraining me from doing so. I can feel him stiffen under my touch and he turns around blushing, a crimson red spreading to his cheeks, and i just want nothing more than take him now, on this chair even with the risks of pulling out my perfusion.
I hastily unfasten his belt and pull down his pants and boxers, not hearing his protestations, my dick is hard and so is his, I push him down hard against it, at first just sliding rapidly against his buttocks before aiming for the impatient hole that I could feel opening and closing as my hard cock was stroking it.
Being inside him is wonderful, the emotion overflows me and the poison in my veins that is going to cure my cancer starts to act, as I reach for his mouth to kiss, a bit of vomit comes up and I share it with him. He growls with pleasure and I start thrusting, as the effort makes more bile coming up and my abs contracting make my orgasm only nearer, I fully discharge myself in his mouth and anus.
While Chris gently wipes the vomit off our face by licking it, I can hear the sound of the old lady’s fingers gently rubbing against her vagina, and the dripping of her cum on the floor.
So I’d take him to the fast food restaurant my daddy owns late at night after everyone has left. He has a thing for big (curvy) girls so I’d let him eat chips and burgers off of my stomach, but I know he’s just little, so he couldn’t eat that many, but I’d keep making him eat to plump him up so that his little stomach is bloated when I fuck him on one of the tables.
When we’re finished, I’d carry him round into the kitchen as he sleeps peacefully and lower him into the fryer. I don’t want him completely fried, just slightly, so that his skin melts off and I can see the sinews and muscles beneath, then ewe’d fuck. Then I’d put him back into the fryer and fuck him again until he’s dead. When that happens, I’ll put his remains back in the fryer and make sure they’re all crispy before I insert them into my anus and vagina. It would be so hot.
My biggest Chris Colfer fantasy would be for him to fondle my breast(because i had cancer the doctors had to remove one) while I suck his dick he put in my anus before and it would be covered with feces and then when he would be close to coming he would put his dick back into my anus, cum hard and to make me come as well, he would suck it hard out of my anus and feces would come with it.
So he’s lying on my bed, completely naked and I start licking his nipples and trying to find a vibrator to shove up his tight virgin bottom hole, when my hand lands on a coat hanger instead. I don’t realise it’s a coat hanger though until after I’ve thrust it up his butt. I start apologising, but then I realise he’s moaning in pleasure, not pain! Excited, I start fucking him with the coat hanger until I get bored, then I lie him on his back and make deep scratches in his perfect porcelain chest with the coat hanger around those beautifully flushed nipples, like rosebuds. Then, one word, salt. I massage it into the wounds and he’s moaning like crazy so I keep rubbing and rubbing and he’s moaning and coming like a good little boy and I just watch him bleed to death. Then I leave his body to decompose. When it is rotted enough for my taste, I will turn Chris over and fuck his dead, stiff body with my strap on until I cum long and hard.
One day, Kurt and Mercedes decided to go to the annual Medieval Fayre. Kurt was wearing a medieval princess costume and Mercedes was docked out in a nun outfit because according to Ryan Murphy all Christians are nuns. Feeling a moment of spontaneity, the young, supple elfen featured boy grappled Mercedes sexychub with his hands. 'Mmm, damn, you ebony ladies, you must be made outta the honey in the promised land or somethin. Nice 'n' fat.' Kurt extrapolated with dulcet, deep tones in his voice, like Shaft. Mercedes jumped, then immediately looked at him with a snarky bitchass expression, trying to mask her incredible surprise at the sudden macho dude 'tude eminating from Kurt. 'Excuse me, Kurt, but I am a Christian. I don't support your lascivious advances toward me or my person. And why you trying to seduce me? I thought you was a homo. And what the hell is wrong with your voice?!' 'I ain't no homo. I'm 100 percent pure love, baby. Now c'mere.' Kurt purred, and then leapt upon her, springing forthrightly as his two chinos fell off his feet, revealing his cherry inspired sock design. Mercedes jutted backwards dramatically, and Kurt's conical medieval princess headdress bumped directly into the adjacent nose of Rachel Berry, who squawked with wild abandon. 'Ow, what're you two doing? That really hurt!' Grappling over the side of Merc, Kurt pulled out his pink magnum, cocked it and aimed it at Rachel's nose, shooting without hesitation. BANG, BANG, BANG. The crowd dispersed in ten directions, screaming, as Mercedes fell down, the impact caused a shift in the richter scale and the entire place blew the fuck up. ———-
Mercedes woke up, dazed and confused, her hair frazzled by the explosions. ‘Gosh darnit Kurt! Why’d you have to go and kill Rachel for? She didn’t do anything to you!’ 'I just thought you'd appreciate the sentiment, baby.' Kurt said, as he rose up and realigned his aviator sunglasses. He was a real cool dude. Suddenly, they heard the sound of footsteps. Mercedes gasped when she saw it was Rachel! 'I'm okay guys, my nose bore the brunt of the impact.'
It was a dark windy night when young Mable was hurrying home from her work at Pizza Hut. She works there because instead of being paid in money, she gets paid in pizza and she needs to keep her weight well above 400lbs. Her shallow breathing echoed about the cobbled streets as she walked briskly along. It was at the intersection of Cotton Drive and Bellreed avenue that she spotted it, just out of the corner of her eye: a poster for Glee Live.
Mabel was not a huge fan of Glee, but she spotted one of the boys at the back, with a cute face like a 12 year old and slightly deformed cranium. She felt herself get wet just lookking at the picture, but when she heard thunder in the background, she continued walking.
She was only a few blocks away from her house when she decided to take a detour through a dark alley way, the wind howled and she heard a perfect voice chime through the darkness, “Hello!” She whipped round, her XXXL coat flapping in the harsh breeze.
Stood before her was the boy from the posters.
“Kurt, right?” she asked. “Kurt Hummel?”
“No, Chris Colfer, actually,” he corrected and Mabel blushed at her foolishness. “Want me to walk you home?”
Why, how could she refuse? They began walking and chatting as droplets of rain began to fall softly from the sky, like droplets of tears. Chris kept giving her these glances, long drak stares and she could see the hints of lust in his eyes. He truly was beautiful.
When they arrived at her house, she said, “Well, I guess I’ll be going inside. It was nice meeting you, Chris, but I’m guessing you’ll be going back to America now…”
“I could…” I he pondered, grabbing hold of Mabel’s hands with his Kitten Mittens, “I could stay for one more night.”
“Why Chris, if I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought you were offering to have sex with me,” she chuckled anxiously, letting go of his hands and fiddling with her keys as the rain continued to pour, drenching her clothes and making his hair all wet and cute. “But that’s stupid. I mean, who would want to have sex with a big ol fatty like me…”
“Mabel,” Chris said, following her through the door and into her house, “you’re beautiful. Always remember that, okay? And no, Mabel, I don’t want to have sex with you, I want to make love to you.” His voice was dark and mysterious. Mabel’s nether regions began to get damp just at the sound of it.
“But, I- I thought you were g-gay,” she stuttered, attempting to keep control of her fiesty ovaries.
“No, that’s just something I have to tell the media so that Kurt’s character will be more believable.”
Mabel looked up through hopeful eyes. “Really?”
“Really,” Chris assured her, reaching up to stroke her face.
Suddenly they both threw off their coats and raced upstairs to the bedroom…
Slamming the door behind him, Chris pushed Mabel onto the bed, her fat jiggled as she hit the mattress and she giggled in delight. Climbing on top of her, Chris sensually peeled off her sting top (at first he didn’t realise it was a string shirt, because her fat had wrapped around the straps). He grinned at the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra because bras were suchan oppressive tool of the patriarchy.
“Oh Chris!” Mabel moaned as he began to touch her down there and how it felt so good. Hurriedly, she unbuttoned his shirt and he discarded it on the floor. Their bodies were damp from the rain and they rubbed against each other before Chris kissed her passionately, making her freeze. Is this love? Mabel thought to herself. As he kissed down her jaw, she whined in pleasure. She could only gasp when his mouth began to suck at were flabby, rashed breasts.
“Quickly, Chris!” she cried. “I need you inside of me!”
She lifted her hips as he tugged down her jeans and knickers, already soaking wet with her bodily juices, but she wasn’t alone, because when Chris removed the rest of his clothes, she saw he had a raging 13 inch boner. His cock, long and thick, leapt free of the confines of his briefs (which were decorated with puppies and hearts) and Mabel needed it inside of her.
“I’ll go on top!” she said, grabbing Chris and rolling them over so she was above him. She could she Chris eyeing up her fat labia, which hung down like raw meat.
At first, she felt slightly embarrassed, due to her severe yeast infection. Noticing this, Chris told her he didn’t mind. “C’mere.” Mabel obeyed and placed her knees either side of his head while Chris thrust his nose against her vagina and breathed in deeply. They both moaned in pleasure.
“Chris, I must have you inside me, I need you to make love to me!”
“I need it too, Mabel, but first will you please suck me?”
Mabel smile dirtily and pulled herself back down to Chris’s boner. She tucked her hair behind her ear, leant over, grabbing the base of his cock in one hand and licked away the precum while Chris gasped.
She then lowered her head over the top of his dick and began to suck.
“Oh Mabel! My love!” Chris moaned lovingly. But as she swallowed him down further and further instinct took over. Mabel had something in her mouth: it was necessary that she must eat it, so she bit down. Chris screamed. “Mabel, what’s wrong?”
”Oh, I can’t help it Chris!” She couldn’t! So she began to bite and chew until she tore his cock off and ate it, swallowing in delight while licking her lips. But she didn’t want to! She loved Chris! However, now she had started she couldn’t stop and began eating his swollen testicles, too.
“Mabel, I love you! You must stop this!” Chris cried out.
Tears ran down Mabel’s face and she chewed upon his right nut. “I can’t stop it Chris! I just can’t”
And so, bite by bite, her face covered in blood that was not her own, Mabel ate away at Chris’s body. They both cried and cried. Their tears were like the rain they had walked through just a few hours earlier. She just loved eating so much! You must understand that she couldn’t help herself! Finally, Mabel finished the last bite of Chris’s flesh and burped loudly.
But no, she was not satiated, for now there was an empty whole in her heart and her vagina that would never ever be filled.
And as the tears rolled down her face, she choked a sorrowful, “I love you, Chris, forever and always…”
And from inside her stomach she could have sworn that she heard, “I love you too.”
i hav a bb snake named Colin and he luvs Chris lyk i do.
i wuld tie Chris to ma bed wif his own bowties and den i would get Colin to go into his penis nd start eatin it from the inside out while my bb rat Kevin likz at his butthole nd when Chris starts 2 poo, i will rub Kevin in it den eat kevin. den when Colin has eaten da cock lyk a gud snake, i will felate him and it will b just lyk blowing chris. den i will wait until i need 2 poo and poo kevin and colin onto his fat hair balls. dens i will cut them off and make him eat dem shit smeared nuts. it will b so hawt.
but im not finished yet. i havnt cum yet, so i rub my hardened clit against his bloody perineum until i cum onto the remains of his urethra. den i will lick up da blood nd cum and poke a hole in it so he has a vajina now nd we can be lesbians 2getha.
So my biggest fantasy about Chris Colfer is him coming in my room at night while I’m doing you know what thinking about him. He would come near me and put his hand down there and I would moan and scream a little trying to make him shove his hand in it harder. Then I would grab his knacki and gently rub it up and down while he positions himself over me to put his Johnson into my blossom full of nectar.
While we are making babies he would suck milk out of my titties even if I don’t have my period yet because my mo said you could have milk in your breast even when not on your period anyway I would come all over his trouser snake and he would leave my little pink snail dripping with Kum.
Chris dumps Blaine and then he goes with me after I tell him there is a lucrative hole in the pop market for a singer/dancer like him. Because I have black hair and he has auburn hair, we decide to dress up as school boy homosexuals in the vein of famous Russian pop band, t.A.T.u and basically copy their entire career trajectory (hey, it worked with Lady Gaga, right?). Then I take him to Scunthrope and for our first video we kiss in the rain while Lea Michele looks on disapprovingly because she’s a massive bitch.
Then, as our song is released by our label and gets to no 1, I get pneumonia from being out in the rain so long, I have to go to hospital and I collapse and die. Chris’ tears for me create a vortex in the universe like in the Pokemon film where every Pokemon is revived and, by a trick of magic… Lea Michele isn’t a bitch anymore. Praise the power of Colfer!
So he takes me out to dinner and we end up kissing in the car on the way home while Don’t Cry for me Argentina is playing. It gets so emotionl, that I start crying and he kisses away the tears and i ask, “But aren’t you gay, Chris?” and he says, “I’m straight for you, baby.”
Then we move into the back seat and he makes love to me, slow and gentle. Blackbird by the Beetles is playing and we’re both crying and making love and we come at the exact same time.
When we wake up, the sun is just appearing and day is just breaking and we’re curled up together on the back seat.
“I love you,” Chris whispers, stroking my face.
“I love you too,” I say, before I pull out a knife and cut him open. Then I asphyxiate him with his own intestines while I masturbate on his face.
I have a dirty fantasy. I imagine me scrolling through livejournal, contributing to my Glee and ONTD communities, and then Chris sashays in through the door. He takes my wifebeater off, and then begins to suck on my hairy titties. I moan and growl in delight, allowing him to take my vast boob in his tiny little hand, while I struggle to rip off his cute little cardigan and his bowtie falls on the floor. He separates my chub with his other hand and goes deeper and deeper into my femmy chasm. I take my paw and squeeze his little booty and he rolls his eyes, so ironically and seductively, as Kurtie does. Finally, he takes his little dainty claw and inserts it into my hairy vulva, completing the unison of hand with CUNT. My stench combined with his perfumed finesse smells so ~good~, like Yin and Yang, but kind of like a Glee version that is sort of autotuned.. Anyway, we roll around, and I take care not to crush him. I get into scissoring position, and Chris assumes the dominant role. Suddenly, he takes out a muffin and shoves it down my throat.
'That's what you get for being fat and bisexual, bitch.' I scream in terror and pain, being triggered by the word muffin, for muffins sort of look like a small phallus and that triggers me. I also cried extensively at Chris' biphobia. How could he erase my identity? The kyriarchal douchefuck pulls up his slacks and y-fronts and gives me a side eye, which put the fear of the Earth Mother into me. 'Shave your moustache, it, like, looks bad on you.' he says, and I cry, I cry for me, I cry for him, I cry… for Klaine.
Who could’ve thought that such an erotic fantasy could’ve been turned into such a horrific nightmare and experience?
I chain him upon my bed, and he’s lying on his stomach with his virginal ass exposed to me. Nice and hairy, the way I like it. I whip it a few times to create some nice red welts on those firm butt cheeks.
Then I take a gallon of warm milk, a gallon of warm water, a table spoon of olive oil and mix them together before pouring them into an enema bag. I use the wetness from my own vagina to lubricate his ass before I insert the nozzle and start the flow of the milk into his anus. When Chris starts getting cramp, I start whipping him simultaneously. When he’s taken it all, I put a buttplug in to make sure he keeps it in for as long as possible while I hump his bare back and he cries from the cramps so I can cum. I always have an orgasm when guys cry cause I love sensitive guys lol.
When I am satisfied, I will remove the plug from Chris, my lover’s behind and place my mouth at his anus when he evacuates his bowels and I will drink the milk and the waste while jerking him off and we’ll both come together.
I always dream that this may some day happen…. Who knows? Maybe it will…
i don't know if there is, cause i'm obviously not going through justin bieber's tag.
well all i have to say is, that this blog is mildly offensive, and it's not really nice to see a shit tons of it in chris' tag, where people do like him a little.
so my advice is to get a life a little, and start thinking before doing
Did I ask for your advice? No I didn’t. This is a fab blog and you don’t appreciate it.
yeah i know that it's probably a one big "let's-make-some-fun-and-jokes" blog, but it's not really funny. it's just disgusting and totally wrong
i do understand that not everyone has to love him but let's just respect him as a human being
and right now i'm not saying that as a chris fan, but as a normal person who just feel vandalized by contents of this blog
So I mash up some eggshells with lemon juice and pour some into Chris’s mouth and the rest into mine then I suck him off while he eats me out and his head keeps going deeper and deeper into my 100lb vagina until I’ve enveloped his cute lil head completely. Then I cut off his penis and nail it into his anus (which I waxed beforehand). When I finish having my organism, he’ll probly be dead, so I’ll just cut off his body parts, bit by bit, then save them in the warm confines of my rolls of fat. I’ll leave his head in my tight pussay to rot.
Now this is a story all about how my dream got flipped-turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute, just sit rigth there i’ll tell you how I became the sex-toy of a guy called Chris Colfer.
In west France born and raised, on the internet was where I spent most of my days, tumblin’ out likin’ rebloggin’ all cool and all watching glee shows under my blanket. When a couple of friends who were up to make graphics started spreading klaine on my dash… I got in one little fic and my sexuality got changed, she said: you’re movin’ on drarry and start whore-shipping Chris Colfer.I begged and pleaded in my dreams after day, but she packed my dildo case and send me on my way, she gave me lubricant and then she gave me my strap-on, I put my starkid glasses on and said: “I might as well lick it”.
First fuck, yo this is rad, drinking his juice out of a champagne glass, is this what the people of Chris Colfer’s Cult living like ? Hmmmm this might be alright. But wait, I hear they’re sissies, foreplay all that, is Chris Colfer the type of guy they scissor before act ? I don’t think so… I’ll see when I get there, I hope he’s prepared for the strap-on of god.
Well, the strap-on stuck inside and when I came, there was this dude who looked like a duck smiling there with my juice on him… I ain’t trying to fuck a duck, I just came here, I sprang with the quickness, like lightning ,disappeared.
I searched for a piece of clothing and when I saw one, the colours screamed “faggot” and it had glitter on the shoulders, if anything I can say this jacket is gay, but I thought “Now forget it” - And put it on. I turned back up to the bed and I yelled at the duck “Yo Duckie, gtfo my bed”, I looked at Duckie, and realised finally there, on my bed was lying Chris Colfer.